I’m so full. It’s 11 PM and I have no idea how I’m getting up tomorrow to do that sunrise hike. I should probably sleep to get ample rest and prepare for that hike. But I’m so uncomfortable, I feel like I’m going to barf any minute. I maybe should not have indulged that much tonight. On a side note, I have gotten back the photos from the photoshoot of the latest product line for sad girl scents and they are STUNNING. I’m speechless at how they turned out so well and I got to distract myself from this dreary feeling of overeating by being emotional over how far my small passion project has come. I’ve always wanted to release eau de toilettes (even went to workshops on how to make them!) and I’ve lowkey been doing market research while I’m here and dropping by every single store I see that carries perfume. But that’s for another day. As per usual, I’m rambling.

I thought I was going to have such a chill day today, which was partly.. eh, mostly true. I didn’t have anything booked aside from the food tour that I had to move from Sunday to today. If my flight didn’t get delayed, I was planning on doing the Doi Inthanon/waterfall day hike today. But the flight gods said no. I already have the food tour paid off and today was the only time I can reschedule my slot, so here we are.

I liked that because I didn’t have anything scheduled until late in the day, I get around to waking up when my body was ready to wake up. I will forever be a morning person through and through, so I was up around 7 AM. But it was nice to wake up naturally and not to the annoying sound of my alarm. I took my time getting ready for the hotel breakfast and did my daily streaming of Midnights (3 AM version) because there is zero rest for Taylor Swift fans haha. I remember eating my durian/salted egg/custard daifukus from last night while in my room, listening to Labyrinth, and wondering WHEN I’ll feel that way again. They say you heal your relationship trauma in parts, and most of the healing comes when you get into a healthy relationship because that’s where you confront all your unhealed parts. And the only time ever since I became single that I came across a dude who seemed healthy for me (got me into biking, he had so many other hobbies that I didn’t feel like he was too clingy, my friends/family telling me how peaceful my aura has become etc), I went running the other way. He never made me feel like he was just trying to get into my pants (not gonna lie, the unhealed crazier version of me felt rejected at that), and even watched all the Taylor Swift material he can get his hands on to relate to me (yes, everyone say aww now). He was even so respectful and understanding about it when I had to say I really can’t do whatever we were doing because it made me feel so guilty and I don’t wanna waste more of his time (after 3 months of dating back in 2020, and him starting a pinterest board because we shared house pegs all the time – and I shit you not when I say that I have a thing for fit dudes with glasses who is ALSO organized as fuck. The vibe that comes with that look is what makes me interested, but it’s the ‘being organized’ aspect of their personality that hooks me in lol. Even Gin/Mico/Kara/Alex aka all my friends who were aware of the physical attributes I gravitate towards said “ugh here she goes again with that type”). He’s in a relationship that he deserves now though, and of the handful of dudes that have come and gone in my life, this is the dude I’m the happiest for.

Ugh not another Taylor Swift song making me relive all these random tidbits from the past. I’m an out-of-sight, out-of-mind person. And I usually forget about people, especially ones I didn’t really connect to on a deeper level. It also doesn’t help that I delete inactive message threads all the time (unless they’re from friends I just don’t talk to a lot / people I met while traveling because sometimes, they come to visit or vice versa). Where were we again though? Oh, Labyrinth. It’s such a beautiful song about being terrified when you actually meet someone healthy for you. Will I ever get to that point again? Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not too sure, to be honest. At this moment, I lean towards never. Ha!

I have so many thoughts in my head, partly because of Midnights. But also because my first stop for the day was Pluto. It’s a pretty nice cafe a bit further out the moat/Old City. There’s something about being on long (ish) motorbike rides in silence that makes me introspective. It was like digesting this song and assigning a lot more meaning to it while I headed to the cafe.

Boom was the one who recommended this cafe to me, and when I got there, I immediately understood why. IT WAS A HUGE BLACK SPHERE. I’m not even kidding. And the outside was designed to look like it was a building built in outer space. I’m sure whoever built it did some research about it but it’s immediately the vibe you get upon walking up the steps to the entrance. The furniture went so well with the entire structure that I’m sure Boom and Not have taken so many good photos up in there. I got the cloud nine coffee (mainly because I really like the term “on cloud nine”, I like Cloud 9 chocolate, and it’s just a phrase I relate to with quiet happiness – I’m rambling again, aren’t I?). There were also so many people taking photos in the cafe. Meanwhile, I get to enjoy my coffee and this delicious chocolate and banana (I’m still thinking if it’s banoffee or not) while listening to more songs from Midnights. It’s part of my personality at this point.

I booked a car (and not a bike because ooo boy, it was noon and I’m not aiming to toast myself) to Roast8ry Lab. Another from Boom’s list of recommended coffee shops. They have two branches, and Boom told me to head to the flagship store. I’m a sucker for industrial-ish aesthetics and it was that. Apparently, the owner of this cafe won numerous world championships for latte art so I went and got a cup. One thing about me is I’m not really a coffee connoisseur. I just like hanging out in cafes. Haha! So while the latte art was undoubtedly pretty, I found the coffee quite basic. Like something I’ve had before. BUT again, I can’t really be the judge of what tastes like great/nice coffee. I’m a yummy/bleh person. Sometimes I have an “it’s ok” rating too. But yeah. Mico likes coffee though, so I went and bought him coffee beans. The dude by the bar looked cute (maybe it was maskfishing) so I asked him for recommendations even though I already know what kind of coffee beans Mico buys (me and my friends talk to each other too much, I suppose).

My next stop was Free Bird Cafe. It’s a social enterprise that helps Thai Freedom House (an organization that helps refugees), and I keep seeing this place consistently in where to eat in Chiang Mai lists. While I don’t regret supporting a great cause, I’d have to say though that.. the food was meh. I guess it’s because I’ve had amazing vegan food before so I always have high expectations for vegan food. And it kinda did not live up to the hype. But they’re doing something for the greater good, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

I was getting a bit full so I only dropped by Magokoro Tea House. Whoever started the trend to adapt Japanese-themed cafes/tea houses in Chiang Mai should be given an award. Because this one was just pretty nice. I went and drank some green tea and it was so zen when I dropped by. Also, I’m lowkey planning a trip to Japan, but traveling when you own a business is hard because I still do most of the things and I can’t just do things willy-nilly. Oh, if it isn’t me and the consequences of my actions.

I went back to the hotel to drop off all my random purchases before heading to the food tour. We were told to meet at a temple, and I dropped by early thinking that a currency exchange place would be nearby (in my head, temples mean lots of tourists = money changer). But surprise, surprise, there was none. So now I was too early for the tour and I’d already managed to roam around the temple. I was getting a little queasy that I might be the only one or maybe I misunderstood my rescheduled tour. Fortunately, nearing 5 PM, I saw some people also roam around the temple seemingly waiting for the tour to start.

Our first stop was the Cowboy Hat lady who makes stew – honestly, I believe it’s the Thai version of patatim. It was good though, but since I’ve tried it before (at home and in Chinatown), it ended up kind of underwhelming. The next stop was some clay pot roast where they roast meat inside an actual pot. We had roasted pork and chicken – and omg that chicken was so tender. Stop 3 was in a market where we roamed around and she explained all the things – then we got to try different local fruits (quite similar to our local fruits – it was funny that guyabano is called something entirely different in English), as well as some snacks such as two different versions of chicharon (the one with soy sauce was very good), chili, rice crackers, those meringue tacos, and some of the fried worms. We also got to drink sugarcane juice afterward before we left for the next stop.

Now my memory’s a bit blurry, but I believe the next one was a vegan place. I do remember that the group had to split up between tables with the couples in one and the solo travelers in another. Got to talking with this old man from the US (forgot to note down his name) and he mentioned how often he makes the trip to Thailand (without his girlfriend, so who knows what kind of things he’s into lol). He asked me if I travel alone often and how I find it – I simply said, well, I’m used to it and it’s actually quite fun. Which to be fair, it is. But the long answer would definitely be “oh god, sometimes I get super lonely that I join tours to find some semblance of not being alone. However, it’s hard for me to not travel solo because I do quite enjoy having the time to only manage myself and no one else, and I personally don’t think I’d find someone (anyone) who enjoys the same things I do. Mao is the closest I have to an ideal travel buddy because we balance each other out so well, but he’s currently happy in his relationship bubble + our schedules mostly conflict. I always do have an open invitation to all my closest friends whenever I travel, I give them my travel dates and a rough draft of my itinerary (which mostly revolves around food and only a handful of tourist spots) and they’re always welcome to tag along if they wanted (something Gin used to do before meeting Mikko). It’s not really like choosing to travel alone, but more of not waiting for anyone to travel with. This girl from Boston, Erin, immediately agreed because she travels a lot alone too. And we kinda hit it off because she’s traveled to a lot of places I want to go to (like South America). Another guy was at the table with us (Jono from Melbourne) as well. But overall, our table of solo travelers barely ate anything and just chatted away.

During the tour, a lot of the local culture and history of Thailand was shared by the guide, Moui. As it turns out, not a lot of locals cook anymore because it’s easier (and sometimes, even cheaper) to just buy food from all the food markets before heading home. And as a loyal food delivery customer, I would have to agree. As much as I enjoy cooking, the clean-up and constantly having to think of a menu really drove me crazy. I’ll stick with my meal plan, thank you very much.

Our next stop was to this place where they served some curry, chicken soup, and the famous water buffalo salad. This salad uses the juice found in the intestine of the water buffalo as a sauce for the salad – which honestly sounds bad, but generally, I kinda thought it was on the same spectrum of weird as foie gras and people think that’s fancy. I still tried it because unless it looked/smelled gross, I always knew I would lol. The thing about local food is just don’t think about it too much, to be honest, and just enjoy it. Then we had another stop at a noodle place where we ate two different kinds of noodles. They have a Michelin star but at this point, I’m really just too full and too overstimulated to enjoy anything.

I did get to chat with this dude from Melbourne, and it was funny because we will be on the same flight back to Bangkok. The same one I was trying to rebook to an earlier time haha. He was having a few suits done in Bangkok, and I’ve watched a couple of tiktoks of people doing this in Thailand and Vietnam as well.. and I got upset at myself for never thinking of doing it too. I wonder how it will turn out and I probably would never know. I hope for his sake that it turns out well enough. We also got some free pandan-flavored kaya toast that I didn’t even eat and just put in my bag. Melbourne dude mentions how much he enjoys kaya toast and basically just ate that while he was in Malaysia. It’s funny because it instantly reminded me of my brother’s kaya toast phase every single time we spend a few weeks in Singapore.

Our almost last stop was this dessert place that served the Thai version of ginataang bilo bilo. It’s basically that. I got a throwback to spending hot summer afternoons in my mom’s kitchen, rolling sticky rice dough into small balls and throwing it into this huge pot of coconut with pandan soup. And that’s basically what this dessert was. They do add soft-boiled eggs too, so maybe that’s a difference.

The final stop was at Warorot Market. I’ve been there before multiple times so all I really wanted to do was head back to the hotel because I was tired. But I soldiered on and ate a few bites here and there (of snacks I’ve already eaten before). Since us solo travelers will still have some time to hang out, we exchanged contacts between the three of us (me, Jono, and Erin) before going our separate ways. We’ll probably go by a night market tomorrow. Who knows. The three of us quite have similar itineraries so maybe it’s going to be fun.

And now I’m in bed with wet hair (too tired to dry it), waiting for sleep to come to claim my consciousness.

I just realized that I do have the tendency to ramble on. Whenever I start writing, it’s hard for me to stop. It’s weird because it’s like dispensing every single thing on my head on paper (digital paper as it is). Hmm maybe this is why Pensieves exist. I feel a lot lighter writing down my thoughts even if they’re all over the place. Maybe I should take the time to do this back home too.

Good night!

I want to fill my life with slow sunny days, trips to the market for good food, and anything that makes me feel alive. I want long walks. I want to lie down in a nice bed at night. I want to feel every single thing that’s happening around me. I want to feel the tender kind of happiness, the one where I allow myself to be soft because I’m kindest to myself.

I don’t think I’ve felt alive for a long time. Most days, it feels like I’m simply coasting through life and letting the current flow me to wherever it’s bound to take me. And for a while now, it seems that the water’s been still and I’ve been stuck. Aimless and drowning quietly.

Whenever I travel to somewhere that’s nature-themed or the outdoors. I always tend to wonder whether I’m just taking from them. I know it sounds weird. And it made so much more sense in my head. I’m not a good, kind, nice person – I hold a lot of anger and resentment and I’m also quite petty. I don’t have a lot of good thoughts, and it’s already taking a lot of my capacity just to make sure I never act on the ones that aren’t kind or productive. But most times, when I travel to somewhere remote (like Siquijor), or to a nature park (like the Elephant Retirement Park) – I tend to wonder whether I’ve just been taking from them without giving anything in return.

Being in Siquijor for more than a week, disconnected from the world, gave me a semblance of short-lived peace. It gave me long restful nights. It gave me a reason to come back home when I realized that the voices in my head are all mine. And they’re not too bad. Maybe that’s what being stuck in a jungle with barely any mobile data or internet will do to you. I took something from that place, and while I did pay my dues with money, I wonder if the act of taking that peace home and filling my cup meant taking the same amount from someone else’s cup. Ugh it’s hard to put into words.

I checked out of The Inside House today to move to K Maison Lanna Boutique Hotel. I was lowkey sad to be moving out of this nice fancy hotel. But the staff here has been so much friendlier and it seems more intimate than being at TIH, if that even makes any sense. Pailin and Tul from reception are both super chatty. I took my time eating and stuffing myself with everything I can from today’s breakfast before I checked out. Since my pickup for the Elephant Retirement Park was scheduled for noon, I left TIH a few minutes past 11 AM. By 11:30, I got myself to K Maison where Pailin checked me in immediately. Initially, I thought I’d have to leave my luggage and just check in once I got back from the elephant park. But I guess I got lucky!

Honestly, this room is beautiful and would have been such a great first room in Chiang Mai. But I felt a bit sad about checking in here since it also kind of felt like a downgrade from my previous room. Haha. Especially because the snacks in the bar now have a price tag lol. I checked out the room and went back downstairs to wait by the lobby for the pickup. Pailin stopped eating her lunch (honestly, I was so embarrassed at the fact that she even stopped eating to wait with me) and chatted with me about my plans in Chiang Mai. Because of Loi Krathong/Yee Peng, she did say that the hotel’s fully booked until the next week and she foresees that the entire week would be so hectic for the city. This was good because this is the first time since 2019 that they’ll be holding an event like this again. When I told her that I’ll be doing a sunrise hike in a few days, she took note of it and told me they’ll make sure someone was in the lobby to wait with me and to prep some packed breakfast for me. They were very nice about it and I changed my mind about being in a smaller hotel all of a sudden. My favorite thing about K Maison is how intimate it seems. While TIH had premium services and a premium experience, you can also tell that the staff tries not to be intrusive and that you’ll seldom feel them while you’re there. Which is a nice feeling as an introvert. But there’s also charm when you’re on a first-name basis with the staff and they recognize you when you go in and out of the hotel. They’re also quite accommodating too.

I was probably the third stop by the ERP staff by the time they picked me up. The rest of the people in the van were all Europeans (from Italy and Spain) who barely spoke English (literally talked to the guide using google translate). So it was such a quiet trip for me while they all chatted with each other. I was the only solo traveler in this batch, and I decided to just sleep throughout the long drive to the park. Getting there was relatively uneventful. There were 5 baby elephants (ranging from 5-10 years old). They were HUGE, but apparently, elephants are babies until they have fully grown into an adult at 25. They prepared lunch (I barely ate because I was still full) before we went and picked bananas and chopped bamboo to feed the elephants.

If you’ve ever been to Nara Park during the mating season where the deers are crazy aggressive, this is how aggressive the elephants were in trying to get food. They’re very smart so they recognize the bags used to carry their food and would place their trunks inside your bag if you are too slow. But they were smart enough to know that once you handed the bag to the guide, that meant that the bag was empty and they move on to other tourists.

I think the sad part would be the fact that this park seems to be one of the underfunded ones and I’m guessing that without the money from tours the past two years, the park struggled more. It kinda felt like for me, it was my reality for one day. But for the elephants and the people who manage the park, it’s their everyday life. We fed the elephants, gave them a mud bath, and played with them in the water. I wasn’t really sure if the elephants enjoyed it as much as I did though. I hope they did.

When I got back, I asked Tul if he can help me book a reservation at Cuisine De Garden Chiang Mai because they needed a bank deposit to confirm a reservation. I paid Tul and he transferred the money for me via Line and got me my reservation! He also pointed me to the direction of Warorot Market (walking distance – about 20 minutes from the hotel) so I can scour the market for good finds. Only to realize that this market is the same one that I went to during the bike tour! It was great because I already know which ones I wanted to try and eat again, and I went and bought so much food (and fruits, as usual). I nabbed some daifukus while I’m at it because there were so many flavors and I haven’t tried them all yet. But since I’m a bit too full with all the food, I have 3 pcs left in the fridge for another day.

Sometimes, it feels like this trip is too long but it also feels like time is passing by too quickly. I’m confused about whether I like that idea or not. I tried rebooking my flight on Saturday to an earlier time because I feel like maybe I’ve run out of things to do in Chiang Mai now that I’ve seen the elephants but the rebooking fee is now at 4000 baht. No thank you! I will once again take that noon flight and hope for the best. Hope I don’t end up regretting it because being stuck in an airport alone just makes me feel lonely. I like going on trips, but it’s always spending too much time at the airport that gives me all the feels. It’s such a transitionary place, kind of like a crossroads at times. Some people are leaving their lives forever, some are embarking on an adventure, and sometimes, it’s one of those places you never get around to visiting again. It feels like at every airport, I leave something behind for something else without knowing whether what I’m gaining is worth what I lost. And hanging out in airports with just my thoughts for company kind of makes me so much more introspective than usual.

But then again, today feels like one of those rare moments in life where you think that if one day, life falls apart, I’m just glad I had this moment. I had spent a day doing something totally new and feeling like life has a purpose, no matter how miniscule. It’s one of those days I hope I get to look fondly back when everyday life starts being dreary again, like some ray of sunshine to brighten up the day.

I think there’s an entirely different level of heartache when you realize that someone you loved and thought you knew inside out, has always been this complete stranger. That even though you thought you knew them and that they knew you, it was all just hope that was messing with your head. It was just you negotiating relentlessly back and forth with yourself, wondering if *this* was the incident that was supposed to make you leave. Is this too petty, is this too small, is this something I should have known would be the culmination of all the things that have happened before?

I can’t listen too much to Taylor Swift’s High Infidelity because it makes me uncomfortable. The words hit too close to home, especially when she says “there’s many different ways to kill someone you love – the slowest way is never loving them enough”. There was one time in my life when I just *knew* I was doing something I shouldn’t be doing but did it anyway. I was 21 and 3 years into a relatively serious relationship. I was fresh out of uni and just started my first adult job. But even with all that, I know I don’t have any valid excuse. My needs weren’t being met, and I was being avoided by the person I was in a relationship with at the time (at this point, it was five months into a new job and he had never met up with me after work, didn’t even notice me pulling away). Some guy (try as I might, I can’t even pull up any detail on how he looked or even his name) from work had been showering me with attention. I didn’t really intend to do anything with this guy but I think on a deeper level, I enjoyed being on the receiving end of someone actually giving me the time of day when I talk about how hard it is to hold down a corporate job. And before I knew it, I was already having an emotional affair with someone I didn’t even have feelings for – it just was whatever was happening made me feel good and seen and heard and wanted. In my head, I tried to justify it with I’m not doing anything physical anyway. But I felt guilty the entire time, so I asked my ex for a break and some space. Instead of space, I was on the receiving end of a couple of grand gestures (think 3 dozen flowers, flower petals all over my room, getting serenaded at home, etc) as an apology for how he was treating me for almost half a year. We didn’t really hash out whatever has put us there but decided to get back together and begin again. The moment I got back with my ex at the time, I made sure to have a clean cut between me and this other dude. The guilt kept eating at me though. I initiated sex with my ex often (out of character), tried to spend all my weekends with him, and did anything to alleviate the guilt of spending roughly a month spilling my guts out to another dude instead of who I was in a relationship with. The second time I tried to break up with this ex, it was as I came clean about every single thing that happened. I gave a list of every interaction. I made sure to not miss a single detail of how inappropriate it had become. And while as a couple, we moved past it (stayed together for 7 more years, with zero incidents of any affairs whatsoever), a part of me will always be ashamed that I did something like that at all. I think the relationship, in part, lasted way longer than its due date, simply because sometimes, I’d be upset over something he did.. and instead of communicating how hurt I was, I’d always rein myself in with the thought that I had already done the unforgivable. So I should be extending that same grace and forgive him for the things he chose to do repeatedly. Maybe we’d been strangers to each other for a long time before we even parted ways. Looking at everything that had happened back then, through the lens of my present – I don’t think I’ll ever want to forget this feeling of guilt because I now know I’ll never be capable to take on another burden like that again.

I’ve been listening to Midnights since it was released. And for some reason, I feel like I’ve done a lot more introspection during this trip while relating to the lyricism of Taylor Swift. Today I spent it just cafe hopping (maybe I’ll detail those out later) and having dinner at one of the restaurants in Chiang Mai with a Michelin star. I think there’s a weird vibe when you just sit down in cafes with no plans at all, listening to music, and realizing how much has happened in your life. I feel like the time I’ve spent alive has passed by so quickly. But I’m 31, and that’s three decades here on earth. Parang ang dami ng nangyari sa buhay ko within the past few decades. But it also does not feel long enough to have gone through so much and so little that I’m barely scratching the surface of what life has to offer. Still, I quite enjoy having slow days and just enjoying the city without having to be checking out all the places every single time.

After eating a hearty breakfast at The Inside House (I will never stop gushing about this hotel, I tell you), I checked out my long list of cafes I’m interested in visiting. I mapped them from the furthest to my hotel/Old City/moat, to the closest. My first stop was Carp Cafe. Whoever designed this place started out with a fantastic idea, but I also feel like it could have been executed better? It still was pretty though and a nice place to take photos. But the food was not something I’d travel all that way for. Booking a bike or a car also took me about 30 minutes, and when I finally booked a bike – it was tiny!! One of those tiny ones that I felt like half of my butt was hanging out and that one hard brake and I’d be flying off it. Not the best way to die (still was not wearing a helmet on).

My next stop was somewhere I thought seemed a bit closer to the city (based on the maps), but was also slightly upland. I went to The Baristro Asian. It honestly felt like I flew to Japan with all the bamboos and just how much they managed to transport the Japanese cafe aesthetic to Chiang Mai. There were a lot of seemingly digital nomads working in the coworking space. Meanwhile, I took my time by heading to The Slow Bar where you have to take your shoes off, sit on the floor/the bar, and watch as they make your coffee/matcha. I got a matcha latte and some custard, and it was so worth the travel. I would highly recommend it to anyone who likes matcha. I also realize that if I wanted to, I could totally just come back to Chiang Mai and work from there. Maybe next year, once the busy season for small brands is over (holiday season!), I could come and just hang around.

I got halfway through the novel I had been reading when I realized I had actually been there for 2 hours and decided to head over to another cafe. By this time, it was already 4 PM and this other Japanese cafe closes at 6 PM. I went to Transit 8 – which compared to The Baristro with its Kyoto/Osaka/chill vibe, is the polar opposite. It kinda feels like a small set that was made to shoot because in the area were a couple of other Japanese-themed establishments such as a bakery, an ice cream spot, and the cafe itself. The slow bar had an izakaya vibe, and the stairs leading up to the seating area on the second floor resembled a chic airport escalator. It was pretty cool. At this point though, I was already feeling a bit full so I just had a glass of a non-caffeinated drink (totally forgot what it was but it was yummy). I spent maybe more than an hour and was leaving before they closed up, but I can still see some people arriving at the cafe. So I’m not really sure if they do close at 6 PM.

I headed back to the hotel and took a walk to try and digest every cup I’d ingested while I was cafe hopping. The sucky thing about traveling alone is I don’t have anyone to share dessert with, and as much as I wanted to try a lot of food, I can only fit a small amount in my tummy.

Later this evening though, I decided to still push through and head to The Ginger Farm Kitchen which was another restaurant that had a Michelin star. I had fried rice (yummy), their recommendation (as it turns out, crispy pork – which I regret because we have lechon kawali at home haha), and a citrusy juice with ginger on it. I almost spit out my drink when I first took a sip because that ginger flavor was strong af, but the more I drank, the more I liked it haha. That was nice, but not really the best meal I’ve eaten while in Thailand.

I walked around One Nimman and checked out all the thrift stores although I didn’t manage to buy anything. But today is such a nice chill day, weird introspection into past relationships aside. Excited to finally see the elephants tomorrow!

The funny thing about this is I wasn’t even riding the bike when I got into a biking accident, and now I’m sitting in my hotel room with a plastic bag of ice I alternate between my knee and my arm hahaha.

I started the day with The Inside House breakfast. The staff told me to order as much as I wanted from the menu. I initially just got coffee and juice, and they asked if I wanted to go for a smoothie as well. Of course, I said yes. When the food menu came out, I got the Lanna Breakfast set (lots of interesting items on the menu!), and they asked if I wanted to have a salad with it too. I just went along with whatever she was recommending and.. oh gosh, I got so many things. I managed to fill the entire dining table with food I wasn’t sure how to finish. One of the things my mom insisted on while we were growing up was that we are only allowed to take food that we can finish. At one point in time, I wasn’t allowed to leave the dining table if the food I put on my plate was unfinished. My parents grew up poor and food was scarce, and my mom hated the idea of wasting food.

Everything tasted yummy, especially the chocolate croissant in the bread basket! I tried to stuff myself with everything and finish all of the dishes on my table but had to eventually ask if I can take some of them up to my room. They agreed! After breakfast, I spent some time in the tub before I headed out for my random photo walk. My thing about solo travel is – I’m shit at taking photos and I rarely have good photos taken of me. I’ve been traveling solo since I was 22. And sometimes I wish I had more to show for it. A lot of times, I just get so in the moment that I forget to take photos or clips of them. While that’s nice, our memories aren’t perfect and years down the line, I can’t conjure those visuals in my head anymore. I’d remember what happened but I’d also have to confirm if it actually did happen without having tangible proof that it did. Do you get what I mean? Haha

Boom and Not met up with me at McDonald’s Tha Pae gate. They’re a sibling duo who does photo walks in Chiang Mai. We spent some time walking around Tha Pae (East Gate) which apparently was the most recent one to be renovated/reconstructed. There were bird feeders there that you can pay to chuck bird seeds at you so that the birds fly at you conveniently for photos/videos. The video they got of me was nice but I get so insecure about my tummy that it’s probably never going to see the light of day. Our next stop was a cafe where I got really good iced orange espresso. It was very hot when I was there which was a good thing because I was worried it would be the rainy season. Last month, it rained so hard in Chiang Mai that one of the oldest pagodas crumbled down. Our third stop was Mae Kha Canal (Boom made sure to tell me to drop by at night because it would look nicer) – it was this canal lined by local souvenir shops, small cafes, and bars. Since we went early, the place was practically empty. But it looked nice with all the decor for the festival. Boom said that they’ll probably hold their own Yee Peng in the canal and oh my gosh, that would be such a sight to see.

We also went to one of the temples (my thing with temples is that beautiful as they may be – most of the time when you’ve been to one, you’ve been to all of them) to take more photos. I personally am not the biggest fan of taking photos in temples, if I’m being honest. I’m agnostic so I don’t really participate in a lot of religious activities unless I have to (baptisms, weddings, funeral rites etc), but I feel like if a building is an active place of worship, the best thing we can do is only take photos when it’s not in use. It makes me uncomfortable to be snapping photos while anyone is practicing their religion or praying – if that makes any sense. Because I used to be a devout Catholic and I prayed a lot, especially when my mom was sick, and that would suck if I was going through all those things and yet someone was out there, not understanding that I needed some peace to air my prayers.

Our last stop was at One Nimman. We had some ice cream and walked around. There were tons of Halloween decor around and Boom told me that if I wanted to party, this would be the best place to go. She did mention some other local places (there’s a spot within the Old City that was just all bars), but she said this would be the least overwhelming place for me since the crowd would be less dense there. Given that the Itaewon incident had just happened, I was wary of going into crowds, especially one for a Halloween celebration. We parted ways at One Nimman, although they invited me to lunch. However, I saw some perfume shops and wanted to check those out, and had to decline.

When I got back to the hotel, I passed by the hotel restaurant and saw couples having afternoon tea! I went back to my room to charge my phone and went down to try out the complimentary service. I thought it would just be a pot of tea and a few snacks, but oh my gosh, it was A LOT. I didn’t even need to eat lunch that day because I got so full of all the pastries and that pot of tea that I consumed. They even asked if I wanted more when I clearly was stuffed already. It was crazy!! Ugh I love this hotel and I’m already dreading having to leave.

It took me more than an hour of chill staring into space to daydream (because my phone was back in my room) while munching on all the pastries. When I got back to my room, I changed into another set of clothes (one I could bike in) and headed off to Trailhead for the city biking tour. Now I wouldn’t be able to name all the spots we biked in, but oh god, I was nervous. I’ve mentioned before that Chiang Mai reminded me greatly of Ayuttaya and Siem Reap. The old city looks similar to the moat, the rivers dividing the streets and whatnot. I did the one-day biking tour for Ayuttaya pre-pandemic and found it manageable (not a lot of cars or motorbikes), so when the vibe was similar, I thought it would just be as easy. It was not. There were so much more cars and a lot more pedestrians. I’ve known how to bike since I was in kindergarten (thanks to the pink Sailor Moon bike that my parents bought me, and which my dad took the training wheels off shortly after I got it for Christmas), and I still own a city bike until now. I’m comfortable with biking. But aside from the fact that they drive on the opposite side of the road, I was simply not used to having to bike in such a densely populated area. I was terrified of either getting hit by another vehicle or by getting myself into an accident.

And because I got the evening bike tour, it was harder to see. One of the stops we eventually ended up at was the less popular entrance of Mae Khan. And Boom was right. It really was a sight to see at night with all the lights, the people, and the decor on the water. We parked our bikes and walked around, spotted a couple of marijuana plants by the side of the road (very legal in Thailand), and ate all the snacks they were selling. Because there were too many people on the narrow roads by the canal, we had to walk with our bikes in tow. At the end of the canal, as I was pushing my bike up this slope (entering the highway/road), my pants got caught in the bike’s chains for some reason.. which caused me to trip where I ended up sprawled in the ground with the bike crashing on me. Ugh gravity.

I shrugged it off and said I was fine (I truly wasn’t), and soldiered on for the rest of the tour. Which at that point, I really just wanted to end and head back to my hotel. It continued on for a few more hours. Our last stop was Warorot Market where she had me try out different snacks before heading to a rooftop cafe where we watched Corpse Bride on spotty internet (the movie kept lagging) and we biked back to Trailhead to return the bikes.

Overall, it was truly a nice experience. Even if I got back with a badly wounded knee and I’m sure, another bruise on my arm (I already had a huge spot of red on my arm, this is gonna look awful for the rest of my trip). I was asking the hotel staff if they can send me a cold compress or an icepack, and they couldn’t seem to understand what for. So I just asked them for some ice and I emptied out a pack of face masks to use the plastic for my cold compress. One of the worst parts was I was wearing boob tape instead of a bra the entire day, and when I was about to wash my exhausted body off the day’s grime, some bits of my skin got ripped off when I took off the tape. It looks nasty – like I got a few hickeys on my chest, except it’s red because it’s a wound and I didn’t have any fun getting them and they are surely going to leave a wound. Ouch. I’m tired and lowkey in pain. But it does make for a good story that I can just laugh about in the future lol.

Good night.

I’m still reeling from today’s crazy delayed flight to Chiang Mai.

I had a 1 PM flight to Chiang Mai via Thai Airways/Thai Smile, which got rescheduled multiple times. Initially, I planned to take the 12-hour train ride to Chiang Mai from Bangkok. I’ve read tons of reviews about how the ride isn’t that bad and if you plan your trip well, you save money by not having to check into a hotel for one night. However, I’ve done the entire journey from Ha Noi to Ho Chi Minh by train (it’s a 32-hour train ride split into multiple spots) and it wasn’t the best experience of my life – which is why I opted to book a one-hour flight instead. It was pretty cheap too! I got it for $25 which I think is a steal given that it’s their flag carrier airline.

A few days before my flight, I got an email that said my flight was rescheduled to maybe 15-30 mins later than the flight I had booked. Hey, that’s not that bad. I timed my flight to get to Chiang Mai around 3 PM and booked a food tour that starts at 5 PM. I used google maps to find out how far my hotel is from the airport and it was not that far at all (30-ish minutes at peak hours). I didn’t want to rush so early in the morning – and with the unpredictable Bangkok traffic, I was better off taking a flight past noon.

I left the hotel around 10 AM, expecting to get stuck in traffic for about 2 hours but voila, the Bangkok traffic gods deemed me worthy and I got to the airport in 45 minutes. Check-in was a breeze. There were even barely any people at the security gate. I had around 2 hours to burn so I went to find myself some lunch, then a chair to sit in until it was time for boarding.

When I checked my boarding pass, my flight was now scheduled for 2 PM. Alright. Cutting it a bit close, but still manageable. I went down to the boarding gate around 1:30 to line up, only to find that still, everyone on my flight was still seated. No announcements. Nothing. It was then that I knew I had to ask if I can reschedule my food tour to whatever available date they had while I’m in Chiang Mai. That was a good call too because the plane ended up leaving past 4 PM and I got to my hotel at almost 6 PM.

The entire time I was stuck at the boarding gate (you go past another checkpoint when going to the boarding gate), I was pissed and just wanted to rebook my flight back to Bangkok to the first flight out of Chiang Mai on the off chance that my flight gets delayed again. I only have to spend 25 baht to change my flight, but somehow, my payment won’t push through the payment portal. Ugh. Frustration!!

On my nth loop of Midnights album, I always skip over Sweet Nothing because I was already frustrated as fuck and I’ll never forget hearing that song for the first time, and having a visceral reaction to it. It was probably the most straightforward song in the entire album with no overwhelming production, BUT THE LYRICS. The only song in the album that made me cry at first listen. Joe Alwyn literally says “what a mind”, as if fascinated by the things that go through Taylor’s mind??? On the way home??? And it happens all the time??? Can’t relate. I’ve never met anyone who has made me feel like loving me was easy. Or that my mind is a good place. And after going through so much therapy to unlearn and gain back my self-esteem after my previous relationship, I don’t know how I’ll ever get to a point or if I’ll meet anyone who’ll never make me feel like I’m too much and not enough at the same time. But that’s irrelevant lol.

I checked in to The Inside House where there is no price list at the mini bar because everything is free!! I went and munched on all the snacks and drank all the soda before I went on my merry way. This room is actually quite lovely – so much better than where I stayed in Bangkok, that’s for sure. I was planning on staying here for my last few days in Chiang Mai but it was already fully booked. This hotel is a 5-star hotel – and so far, that rating is well deserved. This room even got an outdoor bathtub (with curtains for privacy) which I’ll probably use every single day while I’m here. My favorite bathroom aesthetic is marble and gold, so this was one of the things that drew me into booking the hotel. The staff was pretty helpful and made sure I knew how to get to the Sunday Night Market – their version of Chatuchak, only so much colder and less dense. I personally enjoyed this night market more than Chatuchak Night Market lol.

I went and grabbed a shit ton of food that I’m working on finishing right now while I write this. But today’s been pretty uneventful so I guess we’ll end this here.