That title is so self-explanatory that it’s funny.
I think if you’ve been out here long enough, you’d know how my mom started to suffer from cancer within my first year of working. When that happened, I had to take over all the responsibilities for the household until she eventually died. That resulted in having to take care of my sick mom and parenting my siblings for a long time. Unfortunately, taking on maternal responsibilities bled over to my romantic relationship as well and I ended up getting burnt out from mothering three people and trying to keep shit together. I was constantly watching out for my siblings who are going through grief and having to remind an ex to pay his bills on time … and shit, does that get to you.
I started going to therapy when I got to a point of running to the office toilet to keep my anxiety attacks under wraps. It was not known to any of my family nor my now ex. Looking back at it now, we were all too young and too immature to be going through all of this without therapy – but hindsight is 20/20 🙂
So moving on – I had been planning on spending an uneventful dinner out with a friend, only to find out I’ve been set up with their friend. It started out mostly fine and to be honest, a little promising. The dude seemed engaged and I honestly have no idea how dating works as an adult, but not being on his phone the entire time was a plus to me. Until this dude started talking about being lonely alone and dating around (comparing his ex to the poor women he dated in the process). Ugh the ick immediately arrived.
I have not made an effort to actively date for almost 3 years at this point, and while it gets lonely, it’s also been quite peaceful. Looking at this dude drinking across the table from me reaffirmed the decision to stay away from anything that will disrupt that peace.
I guess 2022 is still not going to be the year I get a love interest. The longer I stay single, the more I fall in love with my solitude. And the higher my standards get. I still feel like playing catch up with all the years I lost from the stress of having to take care of others (as selfish as that sounds). But I know who I am, and I go all in. I would rather spend my time in comfortable silence than give my everything to someone who’s not gonna give me that same intensity in return.