Life Lately || ‘turning thirty’ and what now?

I’m writing this with tears of genuine happiness (and possibly so much exhaustion because I got stuck on the drive home for 4 hours – ugh checkpoints are COVID spreaders tbh). I remember being extremely happy with one sad girl scents order from a stranger 10 months ago, but I just sold out the entire collection in 12 hours. I find that such an insane thought. I spent a few hours reconciling payments along with the orders and transferring them into my own personal order tracker. My life in excel lol.

But the biggest thing was actually seeing that more than half of the orders came from previous customers. I don’t think I have any words to describe just how extremely grateful I feel that there are people who I never even knew before this whole candle thing, trust me enough to stay awake until the midnight release, to purchase a candle they’ve never smelled in real life. It’s mind-blowing. Exhilarating. And just, overall, something I never thought in my wildest dreams would happen to me.

I made the ‘turning thirty’ collection while I was going batshit crazy with all the feelings from the first half of this year. ‘never grow up’ was even conceptualized back in December. Clearly, for a while now, I had been going through the aging blues and all the milestones I still haven’t ticked off the list. Putting all my energy into crafting things that are sparkly and pretty has thoroughly helped my mental health.

With the success of this release, there’s this temptation to take it into my hands and hold on to it as tightly as I can. It’s validating to read messages that are asking for a restock because I ran out of stock so quickly during this release. I felt like I was soaring through the clouds with every order I packed. But there’s also this fear of hitting my peak too soon. What if none of my future releases live up to this one?

So instead of pushing through and riding the momentum while the brand gains traction, I made the decision to step back and take a break. It’s so easy to lose sight of your original intention when you soar closer and closer to the sun. But I don’t plan on getting burned (get it get it) out, so I’ll work on keeping my feet on the ground and staying there. I’ve put so much of me – all the pain, the anger, all the burden – into something tangible and beautiful. And now that it’s out there, the weight doesn’t feel as heavy anymore.

At this point, I’m just glad that I can look back at the year I turned 30 without the first memory being my second birthday during a global pandemic. It’s always going to be the birthday that an entire community rallied behind a stranger (me!) and supported something I’ve poured my heart and soul into.

This birthday, dare I say, is lit.

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