Life Lately || 2019 has been weird

I’m turning 28 in less than 3 weeks and it’s weird to be two years away from 30. 30 sounds like such a milestone and such a long time to be.. well, alive. I have a ’30 before 30′ list from when I turned 20 that I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to complete. But who knows? Where I was last year and where I am now is a place in my life I never imagined I would be.

Life, and maybe fate, is such a wacky concept.

I was thinking about how life as a 27-year-old turned out, given that I wouldn’t be this age any longer. And because I’m a “make a list out of it!” kind of person, here you go.

Ya girl here almost got married in 2019. It’s weird to say it out loud since I thought it would happen for years and I think I may have jinxed myself. (cue: Ariana Grande’s thank u, next)

Changed jobs for the fourth time within the span of my seven-year career. Not a new update, but significant nonetheless.

Almost went to Greece, lost around $2,000 (in USD) from non-refundable airfares and accommodations because of visa issues (I did not get denied, but it was late enough that I missed the trip lol).

I can finally say that I was on a dating app. I had no reason to use it when it initially boomed, so when I found myself in my late 20s very much single, I thought ‘why not?’. It had been frustrating not having a constant activity buddy to drag to Korean BBQ (believe me when I say it’s hard to grill meat and eat at the same time), try out new restaurants, and head to Masungi Georeserve/Asylum/all the interactive museums/spontaneous trips to the beach/watch all the musicals/etc. Dating apps seemed like a good start to widen my social circle with people of similar interests.

My profile was kept straight-forward. “Trisha, 27. I like good food, amusement parks, museums, traveling, day drinking at the beach, building houses via The Sims 4, picnics and brunches, and trying out fun activities. I don’t like mind games, unsolicited dick pics, and meddling in other people’s business that does not affect anyone else’s (such as who they want to marry/gender identity/sexual preference and whether they want pineapple on their pizza or not).”

It was fun swiping left and right at first, but I eventually ended up deleting all my accounts. I didn’t realize the level of mental fortitude that was needed to survive prolonged usage.

I may not be a hundred percent comfortable with who I am all the time, but I have always had confidence in my authenticity. In my head, I’m just me, living my best life. But on a dating app, every ‘Match’ felt like a prolonged job interview. As much as I try to be genuine, every conversation felt like selling a version of myself that was repackaged to fit the mold of who this seemingly interesting person wanted to date. I’ve never felt more like a fake.

With the wise words of Marie Kondo, ‘Does it spark joy?’ ringing in my head, off the apps went. I no longer have worrisome thoughts at the back of my mind whether the person I’m talking to would either: give me the burden of carrying the conversation/eventually ghost me/is a serial killer/a catfish when in hindsight, my needs are simple enough as it is. I’m at the peak of my introvert life so I never really had trouble doing things on my own (Korean BBQ and a minimum of 2 people for Masungi Georeserve aside), so why should I sacrifice my peace of mind and self-esteem to satisfy the need for companionship?

Transitioning to a less sedentary lifestyle. I think it’s safe to say that I now work out regularly. I do yoga twice a week and go to the gym to work out thrice. The longest period I did not work out was a week and only because I was in Boracay. 🙂 I’ve also been trying to choose healthier food options but white rice is ruining everything for me. Haha! I’m still quite far from my weight goal but I’m certainly stronger now (I can deadlift up to 70 kilos as of writing).

I have once again dyed my hair. Nothing crazy though. Not gonna lie, it happened because I was bored at home and thought I wanted to spend my time doing something else. Hello, hair salon! I spent six hours in the salon to achieve this nice gray-ish color that is not yet done fading to ash blonde.

I also got new earlobe piercings. I went to the mall to watch a movie, and since I was early, I opted to walk around instead of waiting in a coffee shop. Found this place that does piercings, and asked if I could get my ears pierced. Voila! I’m now weirdly tempted to get more ear piercings. Maybe another on the earlobes, a helix, and a septum piercing. Is that weird?

Therapy. Not a lot of people know that ever since my mom got sick back in 2013, I had also inherited the responsibility of (then, partially) managing the household and making sure both siblings turn into responsible adults. So when my mom died, I had complete control over everything. Over the last few years, coupled with making sure I do well with my career, that the house doesn’t literally and figuratively burn down, and the slow demise of my relationship – I was not in a good place mentally. No one knows how many times I had to run to the toilet (while at work or outside) or my bedroom (when at home) to make sure no one witnesses my sudden emotional breakdown. I feel like when people rely on you, crumbling down is not a path you can walk down on. Even though I knew I had siblings and friends who love me and truly care for me, it was difficult knowing that I essentially only have myself to rely on. Whenever I try to explain it, I realize that no one truly understood how badly I was trying to cope. For years, I had felt like I was sitting with my back against a cliff while making sure no one else falls as I struggle to maintain my balance. The pressure of making sure I don’t fail (like losing my job etc) had weighed me down a lot because I have siblings, a dog and a couple of cats, who count on me. I was overwhelmed, overworked, and have strongly entertained the idea of faking my death and starting over in a brand new place. Honestly, I didn’t know how much baggage I was carrying until one day, I just knew I needed help. So I got it. I do wish therapy is covered by HMOs because damn, it’s expensive. PSA though that there are cheaper options but it is tied to religious organizations and I’m agnostic.

And that’s my short update for this month. I’m flying to one of my favorite countries for my birthday, hoping I can destress and not have to think about anything else. It’s going to be an 11-day solo trip. I splurged on the accommodations and booked random Airbnb experiences (including a dance class, when I can’t even dance to save my life hahaha). So watch out for that by September (since this is happening during the latter half of this month). 🙂

3 thoughts on “Life Lately || 2019 has been weird

  1. Advanced happy birthday! 🙂 I used to be scared for the big 3-0 but i realized this is the best time to live your life to the fullest. Apply the things and learnings from your 20’s and make the most out of your 30’s with all those wisdom. But then again, you got a few years pa of your 20’s so enjoy 🙂 And congrats for getting fit and maintaining it! ❤

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  2. Candidly, it made it really hard to record (hence our brief radio silence). But when we came out on the other side, we realized we weren’t alone. Whether or not Mercury is in retrograde, we all go through periods where life simply sucks. Shit hits the fan in more ways than one and you find yourself barely slogging through the day-to-day. While we’d love to think we’ll never suffer such low periods again, they’re inevitable. So, we came up with a strategic list – an eight-step process, if you will – of how to cope with these periods when they strike.

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