Here’s a nice song to set the mood while you read this post..
Lost myself, seventeen
Then you came, found me
No other magic could ever compare
If the photo above seems familiar, it’s because it was taken during a trip to Seoul we went to last January 2018. The date written on this love lock is the date which was supposed to commemorate a truly happy event that would have tied the both of us together until death do we part.
But life is truly unpredictable and a lot has happened since then. If you follow me on instagram, you would know that I am currently on a “soul searching” trip (aka I am just lounging around in a beach somewhere). The reason for that is the same reason the recent content of this blog had an underlying tone of sadness (which weirdly, a lot of you had picked up on, thank you for your concern!).
Cupcake Girl & Chicken Boy has parted ways.
I already sound like a broken record whenever I say that this blog was created as an online journal of sorts. It was back in 2011 when I started microblogging over at Tumblr, and at that time, C and I have already been together for nearly three years. Counting up to the time when we broke up, I have spent more than a decade in a relationship with the same person. I honestly feel like I have exhausted all the love I can give to one person since I was seventeen.
It’s hard to fathom how it feels to let go of a relationship that spanned the formative years of leaving behind the innocence of your youth and entering the world of adulting. He has been with me as I struggled to finish my degree, as I continuously find a career path that was suited to me, and as my mom fought (and eventually lost) her battle with cancer. And I have been with him for all his major and minor life changes as well. I would like to believe that we treated each other the best that we could during those years. For the majority of our time together, we both seriously believed that the rest of our days would be spent beside each other.
However, when you get into a relationship at an age where you really haven’t fully grasped who you are as a person, growing into who you’re meant to be can also mean growing apart. Who I was when I was seventeen and who he was when he was eighteen have turned into totally different people with different priorities. I wish it was an ending I could rewrite but time is a one-way street, and I can only keep on pushing forward.
The past ten years weren’t perfect. We had a lot of good days, extremely great days, quiet days, and bad days. However, I do not regret having spent those years with him.
If I can go back in time, I’m sure I would have definitely fallen in love with him again.
Maybe one day we can pick up where we left off. Maybe we won’t.
But right now, I just wish to heal.