I’m not where I thought I would be.

There, I said it. With everything that’s been happening in my life, it took a lot of self-reflection to get to the core of my anxiety and demotivation. The thing is, I’m anal at planning – I live by making comprehensive sheets with their corresponding graphs and charts in making sure that my life is on track and I’m essentially ticking off the things I set out to do. I have a timeline on what I want to achieve, which country I want to visit in the next five years (down to which month I want to go), what I plan to buy and when I plan to buy it. Heck, I even have a weight loss tracker with a graph that forecasts whether I’m gaining or losing weight in the next few weeks. On a good day, I would call my self ‘driven’. It makes my life so much easier because I feel like I am in control of things. On bad days, which has been plentiful with the help of being sleep deprived the past few months, it’s the worst, and ‘driven’ turns to ‘stubborn’. My Excel sheets can only get me so far. It’s taking some work on my end to learn how to let things go. I know it’s not gonna happen anytime soon, but I also know that I’m going to get better on it. I’ve already updated my timeline to include it. 🙂

During my hiatus, I didn’t really relax that much, but I did get to spend some quality time with the people I love the most. I have always felt privileged that I have at least a handful of people I knew I could count on to reign in my crazy. They are people everyone needs in their lives. 🙂

I went on a staycation with my best friend. I was supposed to write about this in more detail in a separate post but I felt like this post should have been something I also posted last August since it was essentially part of my birthday month, but by the time I needed a break, this staycation is yet to happen. My best friend and I have been friends for the past decade. I know I may have written it somewhere before, but we actually met during college orientation because of our moms. Who knew that a mere coincidence and her sudden burst of confidence in connecting with a stranger would lead to a decade of friendship. We’ve gone through so much in the past ten years and I’m amazed how we’ve maintained to be BBB (a cheesy term we coined for our friendship back when we were both 15 hahaha). Through the years I’ve gone from having a lot of acquaintances to simply hanging out with a fewer number of really good friends. Quality over quantity. And we’ve stayed in each other’s lives even through university transfers, living four hours away most of our friendship, working in different business districts and different time zones. She’s one of the handful of people I message whenever I have good or bad news or even just a silly idea that popped into my head. ❤

I made a birthday month haul vlog! For some unknown reason, my haul posts almost always get a ton of traffic which I personally find weird because I only do them when I lack ideas on what to post.. But I guess you guys are interested in how I burn my hard earned money. So here goes. 🙂

Celebrated our parents birthdays. C’s mom and my dad’s birthday have a two-day gap between them and it’s always a discussion between C and me on how we were going to prioritize the birthday lunches and dinners that we are going to attend. I had flowers delivered for C’s mom on her actual birthday and had her birthday lunch at Jade Garden in Glorietta the following day. As usual, my dad heads back to the country to celebrate his birthday with us which fell on a weekend. We were initially planning on heading to Bataan for the weekend, stay in Las Casas Filipinas de Acuzar and visit our relatives in the area, but one of my sister’s college entrance exams fell on dad’s actual birthday. So that plan was scrapped (all subsequent plans mysteriously fell through as well) and we simply went out, had lunch, watched Kingsman 2, and had dinner at Neil’s Kitchen. I gave my dad a new watch for his birthday which he forgot to bring with him when he flew out again, so now my brother temporarily gained a new watch in rotation with the ones he already owns. Haha!

I attended a bachelorette party for C’s sister. “Babe, I got in charge of decorating the venue.” “…you don’t like decorating, right?” And this is the point where I gave C a pointed look to emphasize how big of a mismatch my role was in his sister’s bachelorette party. I like to think that challenges excite me so I took on the role and had so much anxiety, it gave me nightmares. It rained every single day leading up to her bachelorette and I ended up going to Divisoria straight from my shift to go buy the decor. It took me four hours to source everything, and I simply think about all the baby fat I’ve lost from all the walking and the sweating. I also went there early to set up and was surprisingly done before anyone showed up. Fortunately, all the penis straws, penis and boobs macarons (from La Vie En Rose Sweets), DIXSTIX (penis shaped sticks for petit fours), and all the gold/white/pink decor I found was a hit. *relieved sigh*

And I was a bridesmaid in her wedding as well, while C was one of the groomsmen. I cry at weddings (which sucks because I usually get a photo out of it) and it was even captured on video this time. I’ve known C’s sister since 2009, and watching her walk down that aisle and thinking “it’s finally happening for ate Joko!” was probably how I burst into tears. It rained the day before and of their wedding, which was unfortunate because they had an outdoor reception, but the celebration of their love was nonetheless still so beautiful. ❤

 

I found my new favorite series in THE BOLD TYPE.

If you are on the lookout for a new series to binge watch, look no further and go give The Bold Type a chance. The series revolves around three women in their 20s as they struggle with their ambition, being an adult and being practical, chasing wild dreams, embracing their sexuality, and a lot of other things. Basically, every episode is one where they take proactive steps to become the women they aspire to be. A lot of their struggles resonate with me as another 20-something woman trying to wade into the everyday struggles of adulthood. I also love that even though they work for a fashion and beauty magazine, and they spend their days looking put together, they’re also women of substance. That’s empowering shit right there.

My best friend and I went to Dumaguete! I will be posting about it in a couple of days so watch out for that.

MY EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE CRASHED. What I lost in the process was 9 years worth of photos and videos (including rare ones of my mom, from ALL my trips throughout the years, C and I’s engagement video, some important documents that I scanned, etc). One day it was working, and the next day it just wasn’t. I’m still working on finding a professional who can retrieve the files successfully. I’m keeping my fingers crossed while also working on accepting that I have lost those files forever. I have now learned an expensive lesson on ensuring I have backups of important data. </3

I realized how calming scented candles are. I used to think that scented candles are a huge waste of money, given that you’re going to just burn it until it’s gone. C and I found limited edition candles from Candle-Lite Company at Handyman which were cheaper than the usual candles in glass jars that I usually find in malls. I am genuinely sorry to everyone who gifted me scented candles before which I shamelessly gave away to friends because it took me this long to appreciate it. Do you have scented candle recommendations that are not obnoxiously pricey and lasts a long time? I am not a fan of fruity scents and lean towards floral ones. Help your girl out! 🙂