You know whenever she’s around or when she’s coming your way. What’s unfortunate is it’s almost always at the darndest moments.

You woke up on the wrong side of the bed after snoozing your alarm for the umpteenth time. You ran out of shampoo in the shower. All you can find are mismatched socks. By the time you get to your lukewarm coffee, you realize you totally botched it as you slurp down bitter watered down milk. Running to the bus station, the sole on your left shoe partially loosens and almost sends you barreling face down the filthy sidewalk. You protect the bag your work laptop in is, of course, and sacrifice your right knee to bruising. And that’s when you see her.

The first thing to pop in mind was to immediately cross the street but unfortunately, that small stumble had already caught her eye. She must have sensed your instinct to flee, or seen how much you resembled a deer in headlights as her short pudgy legs moved towards you at record speed. You pray to all the deities you know (religious, Greek, Roman, and even the Nordic ones) and silently atone for your sins as she approaches. Before you can even manage a weak greeting –

Terrible weather, isn’t it? ButnotasterribleasthelatestchismisIjustheard. Did you know that someone just got sued by the place she works in? Oh yes. It was just so terrible. Apparently she stole millions, it was even on TV! Are you headed for work? I’m sorry if I’m keeping you. Last I heard, traffic was really bad. Especially the other night. Were you stuck there too? This is why we should strictly implement the truck ban. The drivers are reckless on the streets. Have you gotten your driver’s license yet? You know my daughter already had hers. The guy she’s dating right now is crazy rich, he lends her one of his cars. Sure he’s a widow, and twice her age. And has two kids who… Well, they don’t like her right now, but they will. She gets along well with her siblings, and these kids are their age. They are actually vacationing in the US right now. It’s 2017, who cares about the age gap? And the fact that his wife died seven months ago. How about you hija, when are you planning to get married? Your clock is ticking. I also think you should lose some weight. Even gravity says so, that’s why you’re stumbling about. I remember when you were a kid, you have always been so clumsy –

She held on to your arm while her endless babbling went on. You start calling all the deities, maybe someone up there will end your suffering and smite you with a lightning bolt.