I like having my cousins around. We grew up together, and even if half of them already have their own families, I still get to see them at least once every two months, or more. Now that I’ll be graduating soon, my cousins all urge me to find a job, or I could just easily ask them to help me get one.

I know that some of you might be thinking I’m lucky to have opportunities like that. However, all my life, I tried to achieve things with my own skills. I even kept my pride up when I was running out of time to find an internship, instead of using family connections. I’m torn with keeping up with my ideology or to simply give in to the temptation of getting a nice job.. even if it means I will forever feel that I have to prove I deserved it.

However, the dilemma doesn’t end there. I also feel unsure that this is what I want to do. I don’t believe I will be happy doing engineering “stuff”. But right now, I don’t even know what I would be happy doing.

Ugh.